Hopeless part two

Four long weeks later, I was in the shooting range down in the bowels of the ship. The paper target teased me from afar. I squinted down the barrel of my pistol. Nothing had changed. Nothing ever changed. I was always training, working out, attending meetings, and waiting. It used to be that I would be going out on missions too, but my six month grounding was still in effect.


My ear buds in my ears, muffs safely in place to keep them protected, kept me in the zone. My lips moved silently in time with the lyrics.

A hot, bubbling sensation filled my abdomen and pain seared my throat. Enormous pressure filled my skull until I thought my head would explode. Slowly, I shoved the feelings aside until I couldn’t feel the pain.

My concentration returned to the target. I eased my finger over the smooth metal of the trigger. Ready to fire, my aim is true….

A flash of movement in the corner of my eye. I whipped around to face the intruder. The gun was pulled gently from my grip.

“Solomon,” I breathed, recognizing him. I removed the ear muffs and one ear bud. “Don’t sneak up on me like that. I could have shot you.”

“As if I would be injured by a bullet,” he retorted lightly, examining my gun. “Should a girl like you really have access to something like this?”

“I need it to protect myself when I go out on missions,” I informed him, holding out my hand to take it back. He set it aside, out of my reach.

“But you won’t be going anywhere for the next three months, correct?”

I made a face. Solomon laughed.

“It’s not funny! I hate being grounded to this cursed ship!”

“I’m sorry. It’s just that you being grounded makes you seem so normal.” He took my still outstretched hand and pulled me closer. “But you are not normal, are you?”

My lips twitched, but did not form a smile. In a move that could only be performed by an accomplished dancer, Solomon spun me into his arms. I couldn’t help it. I laughed, feeling special.

“That was impressive, Mr. Goldsmith,” I said playfully. “You’ve got skills.”

“I’ve had years of practice,” he replied easily, twirling me again for emphasis. I spun easily on my toes. “Are you a dancer, Kay?”

“I took lessons when I was little, but I don’t dance anymore. It doesn’t really benefit me.”

The music playing in my ear stopped as he took my mp3 from me. I watched him plug the device into the speakers on a nearby table and search my playlist for something appropriate. Slow, classical music started playing. Solomon took my hand again.

“Show me,” he said softly. I shook my head. “Please.

With a sigh of defeat, I closed my eyes and listened to the music. An arm encircled my waist as my feet started to move. Within seconds, we were effortlessly moving in sync. Some of the steps that seemed awkward in childhood were easy now, in this new grown-up body of mine. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so graceful.

He was watching me when I opened my eyes. I felt my cheeks flame red from the look on his face. The song ended.

“What?” I asked. We stopped dancing, but Solomon was still looking at me.

“You enjoy dancing. I’ve never seen you look serene, not even when you’re sleeping. You’ve always got that worry wrinkle.” He poked my forehead. I jumped away.

“Whatever,” I muttered, tugging at my choker, trying to untie the knot.

“You can be so bitter sometimes, Kay,” Solomon commented, gently removing the necklace. I waited.

And then pain. Pressure. He hadn’t even touched me yet. These sensations weren’t what I experienced when he bit me. My throat burned. I felt like a change was coming over me. A physical change, and a mental change. I cringed, cradling my head in my hands.

“No, make it stop. Make it stop!”

Was that pitiful, whining voice coming from my throat? Surely I would never show such weakness, especially in front of him. But it hurt. It hurt so much that I just wanted to die. Die or give in to the change in me that I had been suppressing for so long.

“What’s wrong? Kay, please calm down,” he pleaded with me. I could barely hear him. My face was wet. Was I crying? No, it was sweat.

Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. Get a grip, remember who you are, I tell myself. Tell him what you need.

“Just do it,” I managed to say through clenched teeth. “Do it now.”

Momentary confusion. He doesn’t understand or doesn’t want to. And then he softly brushed my hair aside. My heart pounded in my chest.

Sharp pain. Being held tenderly. A warm body pressed against mine. Dull pounding. Dizzy. The sensation of blood being drank from my body, rushing out of my skin.

This time I didn’t pass out. He was being careful. The moment I got dizzy, he was done. I got ready to step away, but Solomon swept me off my feet and carried me bridal style over to the table. My neck still bled sluggishly.

“Put me down,” I ordered. He set me down on the table so our faces were level.

“Do you feel better?” he asked. I nodded. “Good. What happened to you. You looked so…”

“Helpless. Weak. Pathetic,” I supplied.

“Is that what you think? Kay, please let me finish. You looked so scared.”

“Bullshit!” I exclaimed. “I wasn’t scared and you are very wrong to think I was.”

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

I shook my head. It was my secret, my problem, and my burden. He didn’t need to know.

“I wish you would trust me. Well Kay, I should go. Please be careful. You can be so reckless.”

“I’ll be good,” I promised. “Don’t forget me.”

I left first, running up to my room. The door opened before I turned the knob. It was David, waiting for me to come back from target practice. His eyes darted from my shocked face to the choker in my hand, and finally to the bite marks on my neck.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t form a logical thought in my head. Something told me that he couldn’t either. We stared at each other, waiting for the pieces to fall into place, for the electronic message to travel across our nerve endings.

“David?” I managed to say. “Take a deep breath. It’s not as bad as you think.”

“Not as bad as I think? How can it be not be as bad as I think? You…is this what you have been keeping from us?”

I couldn’t say anything. My mind was blank; my body numb. David gripped my wrist tightly. I reacted instantly.

“No, David! Don’t tell Joel! Please, please, I’m begging you!”

My efforts yielded me nothing. I was dragged to my guardian’s office. My free hand came up to cover the marks although I knew it was useless. David pushed me forward towards Joel’s desk.

“Tell Joel, Kaelin.”

The fight that followed isn’t even worth mentioning. Joel and David took turns yelling at me, I yelled back. I cried, but didn’t show any weakness. Standing defiant, I told them that they couldn’t keep Solomon and I apart. It’s funny. To an outsider, it would sound like we were arguing about an older boy I was seeing.

Back to my room. Collapse into bed. Numb. Close my eyes. Sleep.